Hello

Hello, Ash here. No that is not my real name. But, I am a real person. I am a 37 year old woman, entering her fifteenth year of marriage to a bipolar recovering drunk. That is what he calls himself and he suggested I start this blog. He is cycling pretty bad right now, and I think if I would leave him alone, he would have spent all day in bed. You know, sometimes I wish he would sleep all day....but, that also scares me. When he gets low like this, I have a hard time sleeping unless I shut down and get all bitchy. At this point with the highs and lows, I want him to move away forever...and at the same time never leave my sight. My heart aches at the same time I want to slap his face. When he became sober just over two years ago, that is when he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and anxiety disorder. I believe he may also be on the ASD. When he rapid cycles with extreme highs and lows, the whole house goes a bit crazy. I am just trying to figure it out without feeling like I am constantly failing, doing something stupid or needing to be this perfect person all while making sure my kids don't grow up and run away forever and talk about how dumb I was for staying with him. This is me, rambling. ~Ash